SCP: The Oddities
by Wolf Assassin 7477
Summary: Jus thought of this when I looked up SCP: The Foundation and found joke SCPs.
1. Chapter 1

**_SCP: The Oddities _**

"Please maintain eye contact on SCP-173-J at all times!"

"Why?"

"If you don't, you'll be the one taking him outside… you blimey bastard."

"When did you get a British accent?"

"When did you start to question my orders? Now maintain eye contact with SCP-173-J!"

"Umm… I think he wants to go outside…"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because he's gone."

"What?! Where… oh, hi SCP-173-J."

"He's up there with you?"

"Yeah… oh, he wants attention. Run along now, you little scamp."

"… Are you okay?"

"Shut up D-8769. That is the proper containment procedure! You tell him to go play and he will! Now shut it!"

**SCP-173-J**

Description: Contained in Facility17 19923. Origin is as of yet unknown. It is constructed from concrete and rebar with traces of Krylon brand spray paint, as well as what appears to be state-fair-grade water-based face paint in a "cat face" pattern. SCP-173-J is animate and extremely playful. The object cannot move while within a direct line of sight. Object is reported to initiate interaction by standing uncomfortably close to subjects. Some personnel have reported low, asthmatic-sounding sniffling noises; these are presumed to be imaginary, or memetic, or something.

SCP-173-J's primary motive seems to be seeking attention; for example, if SCP-173-J encounters a researcher working on a computer or reading a document, and the researcher blinks, the sculpture will stand on the object in an attempt to gain the researcher's focus. If SCP-173-J is in a room possessing a window, it will sometimes take hold of a researcher's head and move it to face the window. This has been construed as SCP-173-J earnestly requesting to play outside. The established procedure for handling these situations is to pat SCP-173-J in a friendly manner and say "Run along now, you little scamp."

Note that SCP-173-J's action occurs too quickly for subjects to respond; when at full speed, the object is capable of completing three (3) shenanigans per second.

On 7/20/92, SCP-173-J appeared wearing a sombrero. The object entered a "fiesta state" in which, according to audio analysis, it produced and rapidly shook a pair of castanets while running in unoccupied rooms or hallways. The origin of this hat-based secondary phenomenon is unknown, but the Site Director determined that confiscating it or investigating the event in any other way would be, to quote the official directive, "interfering with forces beyond our comprehension". Facility17 staff have reported in official transcripts that this phenomenon was "loads of fun" and "like Christmas, Cinco de Mayo, and Free Pretzel Day at the cafeteria put together". Any staff who attempt to induce a "fiesta state" in SCP-173-J will be assigned to toilet bowl duty.

Personnel report the sound of scraping stone originating from within the container when no one else is present inside and the object is not under video surveillance. Freelance stone-scraping analysts have determined that SCP-173-J is practicing the dance of its people. This is considered normal, and any change in this behavior should be reported to the acting HMCL supervisor on duty.

The thick, brown substance on the floor of SCP-173-J's dwelling is [DATA EXPUNGED]-O brand chocolate pudding. Origin of this material is unknown. The substance poses no apparent danger, and is allowed to accumulate freely.

**SCP-006-J**

"Please approach SCP-006-J for testing."

"I don't wanna!"

"Do it!"

"It's scary!"

"True, but that's why we're using you. Now go up to it and see what happens."

"Ok… oh shit! It's on me! It's on me!"

Special Containment Procedures: Any instances of SCP-006-J that are discovered by Foundation personnel are to be left the fuck alone. Personnel are to contact Mobile Task Force Alpha 21 "Husbands" in order to dispose of the instance of SCP-006-J in a humanitarian manner.1 MTF Alpha 21 is to be provided with twelve (12) glass cups and twenty (20) slips of paper at all times.

Examination of any instance of SCP-006-J requires steady and careful movements. Any surprise of SCP-006-J may caOH SHIT IT'S ON YOUR FACE

Description: SCP-006-J is a collection of insectoid creatures that researchers agree are scary as balls. We're pretty sure it's memetic, but we're sure as hell not going near these things. I think I saw a stinger on one.

Discovery: I'm just walking through the hallway to my room, when I look in the corner and I see SCP-006-J-█. And this thing has these gigantic fucking eyes. Just staring at me like "I'm gonna fucking eat you." And I just get the fuck out of there.


	2. Chapter 2

(Begin Log)

00:00:00

"So, what happened on that day?"

"Well, me and my buddies were walking through the forest when we see this guy. He was all hunched over and looked like he hadn't eaten in days. So we threw food at him, but he didn't eat any of it. So Tom is all 'What the fuck man?! We give you food and you waste it! That's not right man!' Well, the thing stands up and just walks away. So Tom grabs it and looks at its face, hell, we all looked at its face. It just starts screaming and shit so we booked it."

"Ah, so when you looked at its face, did it hide its face and after a couple of minutes become enraged?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"There's a reason we have you behind an observation window."

"Why is that?"

"Well, you only have a few moments before it… Do you hear screaming?"

The door suddenly bursts open and the 'Shy Guy' is banging on the window, trying to get to SCP-096-1.

"God damn it! Please tell command that SCP-096 is a complete fucking retard… with long arms. Oh shit… did I see his face? No, it's not looking at me… Shut the fuck up! Why can't you do it quietly?! Why do you have to fucking scream?! Jesus Christ!"

**SCP-096**

Description: SCP-096 is a humanoid creature measuring approximately 2.38 meters in height. Subject shows very little muscle mass, with preliminary analysis of body mass suggesting mild malnutrition. Arms are grossly out of proportion with the rest of the subject's body, with an approximate length of 1.5 meters each. Skin is mostly devoid of pigmentation, with no sign of any body hair.

SCP-096's jaw can open to four (4) times the norm of an average human. Other facial features remain similar to an average human, with the exception of the eyes, which are also devoid of pigmentation. It is not yet known whether SCP-096 is blind or not. It shows no signs of any higher brain functions, and is not considered to be sapient.

SCP-096 is normally extremely docile, with pressure sensors inside its cell indicating it spends most of the day pacing by the eastern wall. However, when someone views SCP-096's face, whether it be directly, via video recording, or even a photograph, it will enter a stage of considerable emotional distress. SCP-096 will cover its face with its hands and begin screaming, crying, and babbling incoherently. Approximately one (1) to two (2) minutes after the first viewing, SCP-096 will begin running to the person who viewed its face (who will from this point on be referred to as SCP-096-1).

Documented speeds have varied from thirty-five (35) km/h to ███ km/h, and seems to depend on distance from SCP-096-1. At this point, no known material or method can impede SCP-096's progress. The actual position of SCP-096-1 does not seem to affect SCP-096's response; it seems to have an innate sense of SCP-096-1's location. Note: This reaction does not occur when viewing artistic depictions.

Upon arriving at SCP-096-1's location, SCP-096 will proceed to kill and [DATA EXPUNGED] SCP-096-1. 100% of cases have left no traces of SCP-096-1. SCP-096 will then sit down for several minutes before regaining its composure and becoming docile once again. It will then attempt to make its way back to its natural habitat, [DATA REDACTED]

Due to the possibility of a mass chain reaction, including breach of Foundation secrecy and large civilian loss of life, retrieval of subject should be considered Alpha priority.

Dr. ███ has also petitioned for immediate termination of SCP-096. Order is awaiting approval. Termination order has been approved, and is to be carried out by Dr. ███ on [DATA REDACTED].

"Hey, I said anything with a dash jay at the end! SCP-096 doesn't belong here!"

"I'm sorry, but that's funny though!"

"Well, take it the fuck out and begin with another SCP!"

"Fine..."

(Begin log)

00:00:00

Major Alex has become irritated with the scientists and now mediates with SCP-096… "How is he not dead?"

"I have no fucking idea! The 'Uhmmms' he makes must calm oh nine six."

"Really? That's all we needed to do?! Just hum random sounds?! What the fuck?!"

Following incident 7-12-97, Major Alex and Lieutenant Ryan are no longer to have races with SCP-096. Too many D class personnel have gone missing due to these weird races where they make the D class look at SCP-096 and when it starts to scream, they drive as fast as they can. That is not allowed anymore ever.

Following the incident, Alex had this to say; "The fucker wins every time! I swear, if I didn't know any better, I think he's cheating. I floor the gas pedal until I'm reaching nearly a hundred and fifty, and that bastard opens the back door and still rips apart the D class bastard. He's probably doing drugs and other shit, the skinny bastard!"

Unfortunately, oh nine six does not due drugs. He is involved in our antidrug campaign 'If you do drugs, oh nine six will get you!'

So far, it's worked extremely well.

Incident 7-34-97 gave proof that our flag was still… sorry, gave proof that we should not be playing music to oh nine six. Especially any music or videos that refer to 'The Harlem Shake'. Last thing we need is oh nine six running upstairs and killing the scientists again. I mean, c'mon people! Everyone knows that you don't look at its face, you idiots! I mean- Damn it Alex! Meditating with… why is there a bag over oh nine six? Why is there a roped tied to his feet? Why are they pulling him until he's upside down? What the fuck people?! Wow, that bag sure stayed on…

Alex's comments: "What? We needed a piñata..."

**SCP-777**

**Darkblade**

Description: SCP-777 or Darkblade (Blade for short), as he chooses to be called is white male of about 17 years old. He has flowing white hair with green highlights and crystal blue eyes that reflect a dark past. He is clad in ebony armor that he made himself.

His effect on female personnel (which may not even be a supernatural effect) is very powerful. He is a smooth pimp, who gets all the ladies. He has chosen Iris as his bride though to wed when his mission is over. His element is water, which he has full control of, and he has a pet dragon, who must be referred to as "Set".

Blade's power of water as well as his supernatural skill with a Katana protects him from all harm. When he is attacked in any way water shields will appear around him and deflect the attack back to the attackers.

Alex's comment on Darkblade: "Why do I have to do it? Oh fine… He's awesome as all get out, but the dude freaks me out… how can he have swords pull other swords out of other dimensions? C'mon! And the fucker had Lieutenant Elizabeth [Data expunged] and then she [Data Expunged] not to mention [Date fucking expunged]. So yeah, I'm a little jealous, but whatever."


End file.
